This Christmas season, many are pausing to reflect on our families, our
children, and on the uncertain future of marriage. Exactly who are the
Grinches who would steal marriage?
As early as 1971, the Declaration of Feminism declared war on this
bedrock institution: "Marriage has existed for the benefit of men; and
has been a legally sanctioned method of control over women....We must
work to destroy it."
So radical feminists sounded their hysterical alarm, and began their
relentless
assault on this sacred union.
Some feminists went so far as to compare marriage with illicit sex work.
Andrea Dworkin warned the sisterhood that "Like prostitution, marriage
is an institution that is extremely oppressive and dangerous for women."
Attorney Catherine MacKinnon issued this analysis: "Feminism stresses
the indistinguishability of prostitution, marriage, and sexual
harassment."
In recent years, however, a broad coalition has emerged to rescue and
resuscitate this beleaguered institution. Who are the lead characters on
the stage of this noble drama?
In Act I, we see the government coming to the rescue. Beginning this
past January, DHHS Secretary Tommy Thompson began to announce a series
of initiatives to promote healthy marriages.
But Steven Baskerville reveals that only
one-quarter
of the funds are
actually targeted at improving marriages. The
remaining amount goes to child support enforcement programs, designed to
wring more money out of the pockets of low-income, unemployed fathers.
Act II, enter the marriage counselors, the marital Mr. and Mrs. Fix-Its.
But are they hurting more than they are helping?
William Dougherty, a family therapist at the University of Minnesota,
would answer that question with an emphatic "yes." Dougherty accuses
some marriage counselors of actually pushing for a break-up with
comments such as, "You deserve better." And critizing the pro-female
bias of many therapists,
he notes that
"men also get seriously
disadvantaged in some couples therapy."
But don't lose hope, because the curtain is about to rise on Act III.
On cue, here come the marriage enrichment programs, those groups that
would charge $500 to help you find your marital bliss.
The lead actor in the marriage enrichment business is an outfit called
Smart Marriages. This past summer, a Smart Marriages conference
featured
a speech that answered the question, "What are Men For, Anyway?"
The conference brochure
included this insulting description: "One more time, with feeling and
through the movies, we'll explore men's roles and their usefulness. Or
lack of."
And if that's not disturbing enough, pay a visit to the website of John
Van Epp, PhD at www.nojerks.com. You will see that Dr. Epp conducts
seminars on "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk." Last I heard, Dr. Epp had no
plans to offer a program on "How to Avoid Marrying a Bitch."
Fortunately, there is at least one marriage enhancement program that is
not afraid to present a male-friendly perspective.
Secrets of Married
Men offers practical advice on how men can
cope with the many stressors and demands of marriage.
But the sad fact is, most marriage enrichment programs are designed for
-- and pander to -- women. They convey the message that at best, men are
irrelevant, and at worst, men are "the problem" in bad marriages.
So as the curtain falls on our Christmas pageant, we will ask ourselves,
which is the greater concern: The Grinches who demonize and disparage
marriage? Or the Grinches who, in the name of reviving marriage,
demonize and disparage men?
