With just a few weeks left in the school year, parents
around the country are just about to say:
"Great. What's my child going to do now?"
It is amazing to me how much we allow our children to
get away with. We blame the media, the bad kids at
school, and the past for just about everything our
children decide to do. We act as if everyone's
children but our own are supposed to live up to
"expectations."
I believe parents should have high expectations of
their children. This way, even if your children make
a few mistakes, it's not the end of the world. They
won't be left with nothing. They won't have to hear
their parents keep saying, "Great. What's my child
going to do now?"
You see, the higher the expectation - the bigger the
reward. We have all been lied to about the very
existence of ADHD and ADD. Not to mention, the
absurdity of ODD. A subjective diagnosis of any
variety of (ASMI) -- that is, alphabet soup mental
illness, does nothing for the objective problems
children and adults can have from time to time.
So, in a world where children have low expectations
and low frustration levels, even the smallest
completion of a chore or task seems to call for big
rewards. This doesn't do anybody any good. There
should not be a lot of praise for doing the simple
things. The basics. The common sense things, if you
want to call them that. Things like putting dishes
away, taking care of kitty litter, or keeping a
bedroom neat on a regular basis are no-brainer's.
However, when parents do not have high expectations of
their children, doing the no-brainer's can actually
put an end to well deserved punishment. This is the
perfect recipe to cook up adult-children. If children
do not face up to their responsibilities when they are
supposed to, and parents do not stay consistent,
everyone else suffers.
I don't think I'm really going out on a limb when I
assume the following is just a very partial list of
real life scenarios that happen when parents do not
have high expectations of their children:
- Ritalin is used as a substitute for real parenting
and real discipline
- Children are allowed to act up in restaurants because
no one should impede on their unfettered freedom to
express themselves
- Parents act more like friends to their children,
than, well, parents
- Parents think the biggest accomplishment their
children can make throughout all their school years is
not smoking dope or drinking
- Children think that just because they aren't allowed
to use the phone, that doesn't mean they can't watch
television
By all means, this is just a starter list. A brain
exercise, if you will. Both parents and children are
always better off than some people. At the same time,
they can be worse off than others. Attitude is what
makes all the difference. Attitude determines who the
winners are, and why the losers are the way that they
are.
If there is one thing that parents all over the
country should agree on, it is this: antidepressants
and psychotropic drugs are not the answer. They are
not the answer to children behaving badly, and they
most certainly aren't the answer for parents who
continue to drop the ball.
Big pharma wants us to believe that their drugs can
help families. Nothing could be farther from the
truth. Parents should have high expectations of their
children as the ultimate protection against the
drugging that runs rampant in our crumbling culture.
High expectations don't hurt anyone. They help
everyone. They create all the averages we sometimes
do have to live with.
As the summer months loom ahead, we need to stay on
our children just as we did during yet another school
year. Parenting is a skill set, not a switch to turn
on and off. Ideas have consequences, and children who
do not listen to the expectations their parents have
for them (and should have for themselves) -- the idea
that their future looks grim should not be a big
surprise.
After all, bothering to have high expectations does
not lead many parents or children to utter these words
on a day to day basis come graduation day:
"Do you want fries with that?"
Zizza is a freelance writer who writes frequently
about children and education. He serves as Vice President for the State of Georgia
for the organization,
Parents For Label and Drug Free
Education.
