Bill May didn't get into synchronized swimming to make a political
statement. "When I first joined," he once explained, "I thought, 'This
is a great sport and it's fun.'" But as things turned out, his greatest
barrier would not be a lack of talent.
Joining the sport at age 10, May endured ridicule and strange looks for
over 15 years. Synchronized swimming, after all, is for girls. But he
succeeded in shrugging off the stereotypes and eventually became
recognized as one of the elite synch swimmers in the country. In 2001 he
swept the first-place spots in the solo, duo, and team categories at the
Nationals in Texas.
But his career suffered a painful set-back when the estrogen barrier
slapped him down. Last summer the U.S. Synchronized Swimming Federation
decided to not allow him to participate in the August Olympics. Come and
cheer the girls on to victory, they said, but don't dare jump into that
pool.
The reason for the Federation's Olympic-sized refusal - unstated but
widely believed to be true - is the belief that discrimination against
men is simply a non-issue. "Since men have all the power," persons
glibly ask, "How is it possible for a male to be the victim of
discrimination by another man?"
This simplistic analysis ignores the fact that power appears in many
forms and guises.
Social commentator David Shackleton once made this observation: "Men's
power has been overt, and has lain primarily in the physical, economic,
and political realms, while women's power, fully the equal of men's, has
been covert and has operated in the moral, emotional, and sexual
realms."
So men, traditionally viewed as the head of the family, tend to be
physically stronger and to be the primary wage-earners of the family.
But women are no shrinking violets. Women command the power to establish
social norms ("Who left the toilet seat up?"), to set hubby's weekend
schedule ("Here's the honey-do list, dear"), and on occasion, to shame
their partner ("I'm sending you to the doghouse!")
And dare we forget to mention sexual allure? Truth be told, some women
intentionally cultivate their sexual power to tantalize and influence
men. One of these days pick up a copy of Cosmo, a how-to manual for
wordly women who know what they want, and know how to get it.
So David Shackleton would argue that whatever power that women may lack
in the corporate boardrooms and in the halls of Congress, they more than
make up for at home.
Over the past 40 years our society has undergone an extreme make-over in
order to promote political and economical equality for women. That's
fine. But as Bill May found out, equality still eludes men. And we're
not talking about just synchronized swimming.
If men had equal rights, what would that look like? Here are just a few
examples, for starters.
First, our society will begin to value and respect fatherhood -- and I'm
not talking about a Wal-Mart tie on Father's Day. We will realize that
solving many of our most vexing social problems - delinquency, drug
abuse, teenage pregnancy, and others -- will require recognition of the
essential role of fathers in promoting safe and stable families. And in
case of divorce, a fit father shouldn't have to fight a biased legal
system so he can stay involved in the lives of his kids.
Second, men will have equal say in matters of reproduction. Currently
men are at the mercy of their partners because there is no effective
male birth control pill, and because men have no say in decisions about
keeping their unborn children.
Third, we will promote equality in health. Currently men die five years
sooner than women, and that's not because of biology. Despite that
disparity in life expectancy, the federal government has five offices of
women's health -- but no office for men's health.
For years the notion of gender equality was seen as a one-way street,
intended to benefit women, but turning a blind eye to the social
disparities of men. Mere mention of the words "men's rights" was a
sure-fire strategy to attract amused expressions and derisive remarks.
But for those who believe in fairness, as I believe most Americans are,
we need to ask this simple question: Equal rights for men and fathers -
who could possibly be against that?
