The Marriage Movement recently got hit with some dispiriting news. The
U.S. Census Bureau just
released
a report showing that for the first
time, American single-adult households now outnumber traditional Ozzie
and Harriet families.
The Census Bureau report comes along at the same time of new evidence
that fatherhood still continues under attack. Just view the promos for
NBC's latest reality show, "Meet Mister Mom." Or read the loony opinion
handed down last week by the California Supreme Court which concludes,
"We perceive no reason why both parents of a child cannot be women."
Now persons from both sides of the aisle are insisting that if we hope
to save families, we need to rally around fathers.
On the Right, critiques of how government welfare programs worsen the
plight of fathers have appeared in the American Conservative, National
Review Online, and elsewhere. Eagle Forum head Phyllis Schlafly has
penned several hard-hitting commentaries. And just last week Rachel
Alexander, co-editor of the Intellectual Conservative website, released
a column with the provocative title,
"Child
Custody: Where Men Hit a
Glass Ceiling."
On the Left, former Democratic presidential candidate Al Sharpton spoke
at last summer's legislative conference of the Congressional Black
Caucus Foundation, urging them to pay far more attention to the plight
of young urban black men. And earlier this month Washington Post
columnist William Raspberry devoted
his
weekly column to the issue,
complaining that "Fatherless families are America's single largest
source of poverty."
But there is one voice that is conspicuously absent in the campaign to
save fatherhood - the Marriage Movement. Sadly and inexplicably, the
Marriage Movement has largely turned its back on men.
Yes, there are a few exceptions, such as last year's excellent
report
from the Rutgers National Marriage Project which probed why many men are
reluctant to marry. And
some marriage enrichment programs like the
Secrets of Married Men are
sympathetic to the challenges faced by guys.
But there is a segment of the Marriage Movement that is all too quick to
lapse into the habit of pigeon-holing and reviling men. Those images
focus on two salacious gender stereotypes: men as abusers and sexual
predators.
The findings
from social science research are as consistent as they are
incontrovertible: women are just as likely to engage in domestic
violence as men, and men suffer one-third of all DV-related injuries.
But some marriage advocates blissfully ignore that fact. The webpage of
one well-known marriage group, SmartMarriages.com, features a section on
domestic violence. The section features a report with the tabloid title,
"MEN EXPLODE: A Special Report on Men and Rage."
Likewise, a report from a major conservative think tank
concludes,
"Marriage dramatically reduces the risk that mothers will suffer from
domestic abuse."
That statement misleads. A reasonable conclusion would have read,
"Marriage dramatically reduces the risk that both mothers and fathers
will suffer from domestic abuse."
Another persistent stereotype is the male as the ever-lurking sexual
predator. A quick run to the local mall reveals hordes of scantily-clad
young females who are aggressively advertising their sexual charms. But
when the subject turns to cohabitation, marriage advocates feel
compelled to fall back on the old motif of male aggressors who ravish
innocent virgins.
For example, University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite
published an
article on "The Negative Effects of Cohabitation." But the article's
summary mentions only the negative impact on women. Does Dr. Waite
really believe that in the case of an unexpected pregnancy, 18 years of
child support payments is a mere trifling matter to the dad?
What is more regrettable is that some in the Marriage Movement are
openly dismissive of men and fathers.
One
such leader has written columns that resemble a radical feminist
manifesto more than a thoughtful reflection on how to shore up the
faltering family.
Another
has repeatedly - and incorrectly -- claimed that the main cause
of fatherlessness is paternal "abandonment."
There is no more important cause in America today than strengthening
traditional families. And as the advocates are quick to point out,
marriage consists of the union of one man and one woman.
But if the Marriage Movement intends to reverse the disquieting trends
from the recent Census Bureau report, it will need to start paying
attention to the legitimate concerns of single men, husbands, and
fathers.
