I need to get this out of the way. Right here. Right
now. ER is the best television show that is living
and breathing in America's living room. For eleven
years, an extremely diverse cast of characters has
made us think about an even more diverse range of life
topics. Random violence. Heroic surgeries. Death.
Ritalin. Blood. Ethics. Families.
Families? Yes, families. Particularly, potential
step families. In my view, the success or failure of
a stepfamily is a strong dynamic in popular American
culture. Sure, tired stereotypes of both stepfathers
and stepmothers run amok. However, the prevailing
consensus in our culture seems to be that step
families are doomed to fail even before they start.
This is where ER comes in. I know, it sounds wierd.
The potential for a stepfamily to succeed this year on
ER is very important. We have always been told that
it is actually biological mothers who are the "behind
the scenes" backbone of any family. They stand as the
omnipotent listener, organizer, and supporter. Dear
ole Dad is just a financial provider, a walking wallet
if you will, who ought to know his place. However,
there comes a time in a man's life when he has to see
things for what they are and have been, far more than
how he thinks they should be and ought to be.
With this in mind, I want you to meet the following
three key ER characters. First, Dr. Luka Kovac. He
is an attending physician at Cook County General
Hospital in Chicago. Second, Sam Taggart. She is a
nurse at the same hospital. Not to mention, Dr.
Kovac's girlfriend. Third, Alex Taggart. He is Sam's
twelve year old son. He has developed a bond with Dr.
Kovac. Sam had Alex when she was just fifteen years
old. For some reason, Dr. Kovac is very attracted to
Sam. It's more than just the sex, and that they work
together. There's a rich potential for much more. A
marriage. A stepfamily. A fresh start.
Unfortunately, Sam doesn't really see the big picture.
Despite the fact Alex's biological father is in
prison for robbery, Sam rejects Dr. Kovac as a
potential husband, and potential stepfather for her
often troubled son. This is insane. I have to wonder
out loud if this is the typical mindset of a woman who
has a child out of wedlock at an early age. Dr. Kovac
lost his family in Croatia. He wants that family
feeling again. Give him credit because he
acknowledges the love Alex has for his father. Dr.
Kovac doesn't want (like most stepfathers) to replace
a child's biological father. There is just the desire
on the part of someone like Dr. Kovac to have a real
place in the life of a child.
Again, the word insane doesn't even begin to describe
the actions on the part of Sam. She knows that
staring her and Alex right in the face is a man and a
life that will make up a successful stepfamily. No
more running. No more barely making it from one
paycheck to the next. No more living in the past.
After all, everyone has a past. Get over it long
enough to get on what's good right in front of you!
I'll never forget the ER episode that aired on
September 22, 2005. As always, Dr. Kovac dropped
everything to come to the aid of Sam. Alex ran away
in search of his father. His father was actually in
prison. Sam didn't tell Alex, so Alex thinks he's in
Colorado waiting for him. They find Alex. Towards
the end of the episode, Alex visits his father in
prison. As always, Dr. Kovac is okay with this.
Again, he just want a real place to put all of his
love and effort.
Sam is both defensive and stubborn. What else is new?
She's still not satisfied, let alone happy. Despite
finding her son, there's the familiar edge. Dr. Kovac
can easily see this. He asks her in so many words,
"What about us?" Dr. Kovac wants so much to do a
great thing and marry Sam. He would then become an
official stepfather! A family man. What's wrong with
this? Why can't we say everything is in fact right
about it?
Blame the biological mother. You heard me. Blame Sam
Taggart. Blame her for being the stubborn and
defensive mother she has always been, and always will
be. Perhaps at times she was just clever in masking
her shallow self. My jaw dropped to the floor with a
loud thud with how she responded to Dr. Kovac. After
all that Dr. Kovac had emotionally and physically done
for Sam and Alex, all Sam could mutter to Dr. Kovac as
she cruelly walked away was, "I don't want what you
want."
If I had the power, I would have leaped into my
television screen and shook Sam silly until she came
to her senses. I would have said, "How can you do
this to Alex?" "Why are you so petrified of giving of
yourself to a family?" "Why are you forcing Alex to
live in the past without really moving forward?" "How
can you use a good man like Dr. Kovac without a second
thought?" And finally, "Why won't you allow Alex to
have a stepfather when that is what he needs?"
So, it goes around and around and around. When the
potential for a stepfamily is squashed, there are
plenty of heartaches and regrets to go around.
Sometimes it's easy to think things should be a
certain way. Sometimes you don't realize who someone
is until all the personality layers have come off.
Sometimes you fail to answer the never-ending question
your gut keeps asking, "What are you doing?"
ER may just be a television show that's been on the
air for eleven years, but it's much more than that.
This year, you can't have any sympathy for a character
like Sam Taggart. She destroys everything that is
good. By having the sheer audacity to tell Dr. Kovac,
"I don't want what you want", she is basically
admitting she is a user. Not to mention, a snake.
If Dr. Kovac (or anyone in his shoes) understands at
the deepest level what Sam is saying, they have an
incredibly serious choice to make. Stay or go. If
Dr. Kovac chooses to stay, he runs the risk of seeing
that nothing changes. If Dr. Kovac chooses to go,
it's not like he (or anyone in his shoes) is actually
walking away. After all, you can't walk away from
something you never honestly had in the first place.
Especially, when the one person who could make a
successful stepfamily shine tells you in so many
words, "I don't want what you want."
Think about it.
Zizza is a freelance writer based in the Atlanta area.
He writes frequently about blended families.
Zizza serves as Vice President for the State of Georgia
for the non-profit organization,
Parents For Label and Drug Free
Education.
Read Zizza's "Think Twice" column at:
http://www.ablechild.org/newsarchive.htm
