Call it one of those simple yet profound truths: only a father can help
a boy become a man. And only a daddie can teach a girl about healthy
male-female relationships.
Both dads and moms are unique and special. Maybe that's why dads love to
mix it up with rough-and-tumble play. Perhaps it's why fathers teach
kids a thing or two about risk-taking. And no doubt it has something to
do with that tough love thing.
Countless studies point to the same conclusion: kids with hands-on dads
do better in school, in the community, and in life. I could almost write
a book about it - and fortunately, someone already has:
www.fatherhood.org/fatherfacts.asp.
But there's a somber side to this story. Kids who lose their father are
two to three times more likely to get in trouble with the law and are
more likely to suffer from a broad array of social pathologies.
The saga can be traced back to the mid-1960s when marriage was portrayed
as an oppressive institution and no-fault divorce laws arrived on the
scene. Within 10 years, the U.S. divorce rate almost doubled.
And what happened to the million-or-so kids whose parents divorced each
year? Operating under the "tender years doctrine," family courts almost
always awarded custody of the youngsters to mothers.
But the tender years apple cart was upset in 1971. That year the Supreme
Court ruled in the landmark Reed v. Reed case that the Equal Protection
Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment prevents courts from basing opinions
on sex. Before long, gender-neutral custody statutes had replaced
maternal preference standards in almost every state.
Despite those changes in the law, judicial bias persisted. In 1994,
mothers were awarded custody in 85% of cases. Eight years later,
according to the U.S. Census Bureau, that number
remained
unchanged.
Keep in mind, every time a father is relegated to the status of an
every-other-weekend visitor, it's the children who lose out. It's those
same kids who end up as social misfits and statistics in your newspaper
police report.
So children's rights advocates began to push for laws based on a
presumption of joint physical custody.
Not only is joint custody firmly rooted in the notion of gender
equality, it's also ideal for kids. As Dr. Joan Kelly, former president
of the Academy of Family Mediators
concluded,
shared parenting "is a
desirable outcome which clearly is in the best interests of children and
families." By 1991, over 40
states had shared parenting laws in place.
But the M.O.M.s - Mothers Opposed to Men - were not going to remain
silent. In 1996 the National Organization for Women passed a resolution
that began
with
this chestnut: "many judges and attorneys are still
biased against women, and fathers are awarded custody 70% of the time
when they seek it."
So there you have it - the fact that mothers were winning custody 85% of
the time was proof of widespread anti-female bias in the legal system.
The M.O.M.s then proceeded to do everything in their power to throw dirt
on the joint custody idea. But nobody would listen to them. In fact
powerful politicos - Republicans and Democrats alike - began to speak
out on the importance of fatherhood.
So three years ago the M.O.M. Squad met at tiny Siena College in upstate
New York to plot their next move. This time they decided to drag the
domestic
violence boogeyman out of the closet.
Soon the M.O.M.s were cranking out red-meat claims like, "In custody
cases where the mother alleges battery by the father, the father is
awarded custody two-thirds of the time." That shrill allegation made its
way into the recent PBS fake-umentary, Breaking the Silence.
But once again, the M.O.M.s were
blowing
smoke.
Despite the fact that kids with involved dads do better, regardless of
all the joint custody laws, and in spite of the laughable antics of the
M.O.M. brigade, mothers continue to be favored in custody decisions by a
7 to 1 margin.
All this, of course, is done in the name of the "best interests of the
child."
Family researcher Judith Wallerstein once lamented, "I have been deeply
struck by the distress children of every age suffer at losing their
fathers." Maybe we should all begin by listening to the voices of the
little ones.
